My first everything part 2 post #3

My first everything part 2

June 1998

Day 1

I have been traveling to a tournament every month. At every tournament I had met a girl and created a short-lived bond. I’m not sure if you could call it a fling because I was genuinely interested in each girl I had met and wanted more then just a weekend thing. I kept in contact with them through email. I loved hearing about their background, lifestyle, embarrassing moments and all the other things that make everyone one of us so unique. I couldn’t imagine life any other way.

Even though at home my life was so plain. I would wake up around noon, watch TV until 2pm. Go teach martial arts until 7pm. Take class at 8pm. Head to the nickel arcade at 10pm. Stay there 12am. Chilled with my friends until 2am. Rinse and repeat until the weekend. Weekends were spent doing absolutely nothing of any importance. I had no real motivation when I was at home. House parties on Friday nights where I wouldn’t talk to any girls. Going to nightclubs on Saturday nights. I would practice tricking in small circles to see if I could pull tricks off blind because it was dark and in a confined space. If I didn’t have total confidence in my move I would easily knock someone out. Other then that I was playing video games at home and eating fast food. I was uncool, nerdy and useless when I was home.

I was heading to Kentucky for the Bluegrass Nationals. It was the most affordable, bang for buck tournament of the year. It was the 4^th biggest tournament of the year, But I felt it was the #1 most fun tournament of the year. The rooms were huge in comparison to the other tournament hotels. Security was very relaxed. You had so many option of where you wanted to go eat and hang out. You could walk around the city and dive into so many different places. Most tournaments you were stuck in the hotel because it was in the boondocks. You could only eat at the hotel and the food was over priced. You could feel a sense of being home in the hotel. Everyone was hanging out all over the hotel all day long.

I spent most of the day chilling listening to music. I’m sure by now people knew me as the guy that had headphones permanently attached to his head. I’m in my own world when I have my headphones on. I blocked out everything around me and return to reality in between songs. I then randomly look up. Its like I had spider senses. I’m looking down at the ground and from my left peripheral I see a pair of heels. I continue to scan upwards. I see nice set of legs. As I kept looking up there was still legs showing. I was a bit confused. Is this girl in a bikini wearing heels? Finally I reached the bottom of the skirt, it was really short. As I kept looking up I saw a beautiful upper body. I was a dear in headlights now. When I finally saw her face. I think my faced turned white. I had just seen a ghost. She didn’t slow down to look at me. She kept walking like she owned the place. It was the girl I had spent the amazing night with in Atlanta. My heart raced.

This time I didn’t have to spend the whole weekend trying to get a girl to be interested in me and only get to spend one night together. It was going to be a whole weekend of passion and fun. I was stoked.

I really wanted to see her and talk with her again. But I didn’t see her again that day. I called it a night and hoped to see her tomorrow.

Day 2

It’s Friday. I wouldn’t be competing until later that night. I had slept in and had a late lunch. I enjoy being a loner. I had music in my ears and the world on my time. When your with other people you have to wait for them to be ready, make decisions together, you might want to leave but you cant because you have stay with the group. When I’m alone I get to do whatever I want, when I want. I really enjoyed that. It was probably because I am an only child. I’m sure I was a selfish person then. Hell, I’m pretty selfish now. But I really don’t want to be. I always think of others when I’m around them. I was brought up to please others. I guess that’s why I liked being alone so much. I just want me time. The only time I didn’t want to be alone was when there was a girl that I wanted to be with.

I returned to the hotel after a long walk around town. I went around searching for her. I saw her with other people that I knew. I didn’t want her to think that I was excited to see her. When I look back on that situation. I think why wouldn’t you do that? I would love it if a girl was excited to see me. It feels good to be wanted, especially if you were with them before and you haven’t seen them in a long time.

I walked up to the group as cool as I could. I said hi to everyone and acted as though I was surprised to have seen her with everyone. Oh so lame. She gave me the OMG look. She gave me a big hug and a smile. But something felt different. I wasn’t sure what it was. Maybe because I had been with so many other girls that I might have not been as special as I thought it was. I brushed it off and talked with everyone. Atlanta and I talked for a bit about everything that had been going in our lives. But it was just talking. We weren’t sitting close to each other, touching each other or even flirting with each other. It was like an old ex’s meeting again after a long time. It was familiar and comfortable but lacked any excitement.

We went our separate ways and I felt confused. Was it me or was it her? I tried to brush it off and concentrate on competing. Whenever I had anything that bothered me, I would escape to martial arts or music. In this case it was both because I needed to be as distracted as possible.

The tournament started and I finally got her out of my mind. I was with friends and bullshitted all day. My division was about to go up. I was excited to do my form because I had a new combo that I stole form Tekken. I love when I get to try new things under pressure. It was a combo from Eddy Gordo. After months of playing Tekken at the nickel arcade, it finally hit to me to try some of the moves from the video game. The combo was Ariel, double leg, and flash kick. I had also started trying to do hand combos from my knees. I was doing all this groundwork when I was dancing at the club. So I decided to incorporate it to martial arts. Two brand new shiny toys.

I started my form and was setting up to do the big combo. When I went to do the double leg I got scared and only extended one leg. It was an impressive combo back then. But I felt like crap at the end. I had chickened out. I needed to go to my gear bag and put on a skirt for bitching out on that combo. So now not only that I felt weak for not going for it. I had the girl on my mind. This wasn’t going well. I still won the division.

Run offs was next. Run offs is where all the forms winners would compete again and the top three would be able to perform on stage. I had to redeem my self. I had to not just go big but I had to take it one step above that. I wasn’t gonna go out like that. I think it was more that I was frustrated with the girl and was taking it out on myself. I was gonna freestyle the shit out of this form. The music played and I just let my mind and body take over. I started slow then I broke out into full on dance martial arts blend. I felt like I was on the dance floor at the club and letting my body move freely. At that time it was the best opening hand combo I had ever done.

It was time to do the go big or go home trick. The first thing that came to my mind was do a double leg and just follow up with whatever my body decides it wants to do. I step into it and took off. When I reached the highest point of my jump. Both of my legs were pointed towards the ceiling. I could feel that I was high, higher then I have ever been with this trick. I felt the feeling of you get when you’re on a rollercoaster you’re your plummeting down to the ground when your stomach tingles. So while I was in mind air. I thought this was good opening trick but I needed it to go bigger. On my way down I separated my legs and landed in the splits. The crowd went crazy. I spent a half a second soaking in the moment. I pulled one of my legs in and kipped up. When I got up I had no idea where I was facing. I did punches until I saw the judges. I found the front and finished my form. I was satisfied with that performance. Martial arts wise, it would be the best thing of the whole weekend. The girl was far from my mind and I think I found another trick that I could use in every form now.

I didn’t perform well in the finals. I lost in the finals again. I now had two constants, meeting girls and losing the finals. You win some and you lose some I guess. I had learned something this time though. You can’t beat the best if you aren’t prepared. I knew I couldn’t win in the finals if I kept free styling all my forms. All I would get great reactions from the audience but not from the judges. I would need to change my habits if I wanted to win.

The tournament was over and it was party time. The great thing about this event is that the promoter bought pizza for everyone at the tournament. He Probably bought 200 to 300 pizzas. Had two rooms for people to hang out at. One was for the parents and one was for the kids. The bar was for all everyone one. He really went out of his way to make everyone feel at home. He was an amazing man. He was one of the few promoters that I truly respected.

I went to find my friends and hang out with them for the night. Of course Atlanta would be with them. She had been playing cat and mouse with me the whole weekend. I was getting tired of it. I didn’t need this. I could get another girl tonight. But I couldn’t get her off my mind. You always want what you can’t have.

She was different this time. She sat close to me and it felt like how it was in Atlanta. I was happy she was not playing games with me anymore. Once you gain the acceptance of a woman. You could feel like total shit one moment, then on top of the world the next. I was gonna play some music for the after party. I was gonna to head to my room and grab my CDs. So I asked her in front of everyone if she wanted to come to my room with me. Everyone looked at me then turned to her. She said

“I’ll just stay here with everyone. Ill see you when you get back”

Ouch. That hurt my ego. I was in total shock. What just happened? I had felt on top of the world. Now I felt like crap again, but even worse this time because she had rejected me in front of all my friends. I walked away confused and frustrated. I have had enough of this girl. She wasn’t worth all this emotional stress.

Thankfully I was going to be with my best friend again “Music”. She is so good to me. Always there for me. There to cheer me up when m down. Being there with me when I performed, backing me up and giving me that extra boost. I loved her more then anything in the world and she would never reject me or play games with my heart.

I headed straight to the party and played my favorite music. I danced her out of my mind. There was another girl there and I made her the new girl for the night. We had a good time. But I couldn’t take it any farther then that. I didn’t want any other girl but Atlanta. Later into the night Atlanta comes to the party. She walks straight to me and gives me more attention then she had the whole weekend. We danced and it felt like the first time we danced together. My guard was up though. My mind was running in circles. What is going on right now?

I’m not falling for it again.

No way. I wont do it.

You’re not going to trap me again.

Maybe she isn’t trapping me.

Maybe she was just confused.

She likes me I think.

I know she likes me.

She wants to hang out with me.

We are going to spend the rest of the night together.

Lets get out of here and hang out.

We meet up with the rest of the gang. They were on their way to white castle. I had no idea what white castle was. But I was going to find out. I should have figured it out by the name of the place. We all walked there, it was about 3 or 4 blocks from the hotel. She was hanging on my arm. I was happy again. But for how long was this going last?

When we got to white castle. It was a total shithouse. It was dirty, smelly and ghetto. I grew up in the ghetto but this was too ghetto even for me. The place was disgusting. The floor was slippery from the oil of the fryers. The tables haven’t been cleaned in days it seemed. Homeless people were sleeping inside because it was raining outside. The burgers were unreal. They looked like food poisoning in a bun. I thought McDonald’s patties were bad. The grilled onions on the burger looked like the bugs you see in someone’s mouth in a horror film. The soda machine was a mess. I’m going to have to pass on this place tonight. One good thing did come from this place. There was a guy selling Polaroids. So Atlanta and I took a picture together. It was a nice happy picture.

After that picture she got cold again. When we walked back to the hotel she was ahead of me the whole way talking to everyone else. This girl was fucking crazy. What is wrong with her? Talk about an emotional rollercoaster ride. I chased her for a bit but she just zig zagged around talking to other everyone but me. I’ve had enough of this.

We got back to the hotel and I said bye to everyone. I didn’t acknowledge her at all. The person that was sharing a room with me was with some other friends that night and the room was all to myself. Great, I had a huge suite all to my lonesome self. I guess ill just spend the night with my music. I took a shower and got ready to call it a night. Then the phone rang. I guess my friend wanted to come back to the room and lost his key probably.

I picked up the phone and it was Atlanta. Now I know this girl is crazy without a doubt. She said she was going to come to my room and hang out with me. I said “sure”. But I didn’t care anymore.

There was a knock on my door. I opened it and it was Atlanta with another guy. It was the friend that I had used to get to her in Atlanta. This night couldn’t get any stranger. So we talked and watched TV. There were two beds. I lay on one bed and he was on the other. She was at the foot of my bed. So I said fuck it and sat next to her. She stayed there with me for a bit. Then she went to the bathroom and when she came out she laid next to my friend. Wow this was getting retarded. I stayed at the edge of the bed where she had left me. I’m feeling like a tool.

My friend then went to the bathroom and came back and laid on my bed. Are we playing musical chairs? She moved to the edge of her bed closet to me. So I made my final attempt to sit next to her. We sat together and we all talked for another half hour or so. She hasn’t given me any type of affection or sign of what she wanted.

She then gets up and says she had to go now. Really? WTF is going on right now? It was the theme of the night. And why was my friend here? Why didn’t he leave? Its not like he didn’t know we had hooked up before. It’s not like a friend to cock block you. I had given up on trying to make sense of anything right now.

I walked them both to the door and said bye. My friend was first to walk out the door. She lagged behind him. I was about to close the door. She suddenly turns around and steps towards me, grabs my arms and kisses me on the cheek. She then turns around and runs off. I closed the door and was shocked. What did that kiss mean? What was going on? I hate girls.

No I don’t, I love them. I just hate being rejected by them. Even though she rejected me most of the night and I have had enough of her silly games. That one kiss changed everything.