Infidelity post #8

Infidelity

June 2001

A couple of days after Atlanta and I worked out our problems. Atlanta asks me to go with her to a birthday party at a hotel in San Francisco. It will be an over night party. I thought it would be nice to be away from my gamer friends for once and spend some quality time with my girlfriend.

There was a problem. It was my friend’s little brother’s birthday party. The one that has been trying to steal my girlfriend but instead his best friends was receiving all the benefits of his labor. Of course the best friend would be there also. Sounds like a great time. Was she out of her mind? What does she expect me to do there? Would I just hang out and pretend that nothing ever happened?

I refused her offer. She asked me why I didn’t want to go. She was completely clueless. I told her that I wouldn’t go because I didn’t want to be around those two. She tried to convince me that it will be ok and that we would have a great time. She was living in a dream world.

For a week she pestered me to go and I shut her down every time. This must be a technique girl’s use on their father’s to get their way.

After awhile I was tired of her asking me and I gave in. I told her I would go. But if it got uncomfortable I would leave immediately. She agreed to it and was happy that she got her way.

A couple of days later she tells me that I couldn’t go anymore. I would make the party uncomfortable for everyone there. Oh now you get it. It was too late though. After pestering me for a week about going when I clearly did not want to go, and now telling me I cant go once I gave in. Hell no. I’m going to this damn party.

Now we are having a fight about me wanting to go. How retarded is that? After I finally came to grips with confronting my problems and not running from them. Now she telling me I can’t go to the party. I felt as if she was ashamed to be with me. She thought that they were more fun then me. Which I’m sure they were at the time. It was hurtful to believe that she was bored with me.

After another week of arguing about the party. I decided not to go and let her spend an entire weekend with her boy toy and fuck buddy. How lousy is that? Not just a normal party but two nights in a hotel room. I was heartbroken. But I loved her and would do anything to keep her happy. I felt ashamed of myself for letting her walk all over me not once but twice.

At least I had something to do that weekend to keep my mind off of her exploits. It was martial arts boot camp weekend. It was business martial arts training for everyone. For owners, instructors, front desk and program directors. Three days of nonstop work. I needed it badly. Not because I needed the training but I need to occupy my mind.

I had training all day on Friday and Atlanta left with boy toy birthday boy. I didn’t even get to say anything to her before she left because I was at work.

At the boot camp, I tried my best to stay focused on other things. But I kept wondering if she was gong to cheat on me again. As I fell deeper and deeper into my own black hole. I saw a light at the end of the tunnel. Something I can always depend on to make me feel better.

I saw a beautiful girl that was part of the instructors training group. She was blond, slim and very cute. It was a good way to keep my attention away from Atlanta.

I spent the whole day looking at her and just admiring her. It felt like bird watching. It was peaceful and serene. I didn’t want to talk to her; I just wanted to enjoy the scenery. I was starting to feel a bit better. Not going to the party was starting to look like a good idea after all.

A group of us young adults decided we would go karaoke after training. Boot camp had a lot of people that came from out of town. It would be nice to take them out.

We all ended up at Acapulco Mexican restaurant and bar. We filled that place up quickly with our group. We made it look like the place to be. I was having a good time hanging out, talking and singing.

Then the blond shows up with another group of karate people. I was excited and terrified at the same time. I know how I am around girls I’m attracted too. This could be a dangerous night for me. I stared at her when she wasn’t looking and when she turned her head I looked away. I really wanted to talk to her but I was conflicted about Atlanta.

This was the first time I had felt attraction to another girl since being with Atlanta. After cheating on my ex so much. I vowed to be done with it. I wanted to make my relationship with Atlanta an honest and real relationship.

I was also bothered that she would go away to someone else’s party with two guys that were trying to steal her away from me. She knew I would be hurt by it but went anyway. I know two rights don’t make a wrong. If she wanted to cheat it would be on her, if I cheat out of revenge I would be just as guilty as she was.

For the rest of the night I decided I was going to be true to myself. I stayed away from the blond. I enjoyed my night with everyone. It was a great night and a great get away from my problems.

The next day was even worse for me. I spent the whole day, daydreaming about this blond. There was something about her that had me drawn to her. Maybe because I wanted her but I couldn’t have her. Not because she didn’t want me. It was because I was denying myself the opportunity. I felt like I was playing hard to get with myself.

I had befriended a guy from her group. Found out they were from Ohio. He introduced me to everyone. When she introduced herself to me and shook my hand. That feeling came back. The, I just don’t give a fuck anymore feeling. At that point I knew I was going to make this girl mine somehow. The game was on.

I somehow managed to get a small group of them to go to a club with me. When I went to pick them up, everyone had bailed except for two people. My new friend (Wingman) and the blond (Ohio).

We arrived at the club early. It was pretty dead inside. I didn’t care, it just meant that I would be able to get more attention from Ohio. Lucky for me Wingman had great social skills. He immediately found a girl to occupy his time. Sometimes men have an unspoken bound and know when to hook a brother up.

Ohio and I spoke for a while as the club started to get a bit more crowded. I was so nervous. Not because I was worried about being with Ohio. I was nervous because I knew what I was doing and what would happen if I kept doing it.

I really didn’t want to cheat on Atlanta. I wish that she had called me at least once that weekend. I wished that she had stayed with me instead of going to the party. I wished that I were a better boyfriend to her. But what’s done is done. Am I going to let Atlanta have all the fun this weekend? Fuck that!

I finally asked Ohio if she wanted to dance. She said I thought I would never ask. We got on the dance floor and found a nice crowded corner that hid us from the world. It was playful at first. Then we got closer and closer together. My heart was racing. I forgotten how intense the feeling of cheating was. How the adrenaline would fill my body and make my body act on its own.

I had some last minute resistance from cheating. So I turned her around so her back would be facing me. It was sudden and aggressive. I just wanted some time to think, but all I had done was turn her on even more.

She pushed her ass against my body. It was a beautiful ass. The best ass I have ever seen to this point in my life. Atlanta didn’t have an ass like this. I was losing it. My monogamy wall was crumbling down. When the last brick feel to the ground. My hands found her inner thighs. I squeezed her amazingly toned legs and the most intense rush of feelings and emotions shot from my hands to my entire body.

I had returned to the place that I thought I would never be at again, “Infidelity”. I didn’t care about the consequences. I was going to enjoy this moment to the fullest.

My hands found every part of her body. My lips found her neck. Her hands found my hair and held on to it so tightly while I bit her ear. She turned around and we made eye contact. Once again I had a moment of resistance with myself. This would be the point of no return. If I kiss her, I would be throwing my true love for Atlanta away. I knew it would never be the same again after this.

I was scared for a moment. Then the little devil on my shoulder told me to go for it because Atlanta doesn’t give a fuck about me.

So I kissed her. It was lustful and passionate. I haven’t felt this way in more then a year. I was totally gone. I was all over this girl. It was different then other times I cheated. I think probably because I had so much built up anger and stress. When I finally released it. It put me on the biggest high of my life.

It was getting late and I took them back to the hotel. Ohio and I didn’t want the night to end. So I dropped wingman off at the hotel. Ohio and I decided to take the party elsewhere. I wasn’t going to take her back to my place. She had people in her room. Only one place to go, the karate school.

We sat in the karate school for an hour talking. I told her about my situation. Told her that I had a girlfriend and that she was off with some other guy tonight. We just sat and talked for a while. She was comforting and understanding. We made out for a bit more. She was the perfect remedy for my illness. It was the fire I needed to get back to who I once was.