One bad decision deserves another post #17

One bad decision deserves another

March 2004

Off to Charlie Lee Nationals (CLN). The trickers tournament. For some reason trickers from everywhere flock to this event. You would think they would wait till the summer time to have a gathering like this. But I guess who wants to wait that long to trick with everyone.

To review my situation so this doesn’t get to confusing. Because right now I’m feel there is so much to tell that I’m feeling overwhelmed by it all. Here we go.

Girls involved:

1. Trouble (young girl I met in Florida)

2. DAS aka Down Ass Chick (Current Girlfriend)

3. Throwback (Young girl from England)

4. Gifted (Another English girl I have been flirting with online)

My current situation.

1. Trouble is out of the picture.

2. DAS made me feel insecure

3. Throwback making me feel better

4. Gifted is at CLN with her current boy toy

Now that we are all caught up. Lets continue with craziness that is about to ensue.

Junior came with me to CLN. Which at first was a great idea until I messed with Throwback. Now it’s a problem.

Throwback, Junior and I kicked it on Thursday night together. The three of us had dinner and after dinner we hung out in the room together.

Then Junior leaves. Which at the time I thought he was hooking a brother up. I had no idea that he was upset with me yet.

Throwback and I messed around for a bit. Then I get a phone call from a friend of mine. Telling me that Junior is really pissed off at me right now. He was walking around town alone in the cold trying to not lose his mind.

I was shocked. I shouldn’t have been though. It was fucked up what I did to him and then shoving it in his face. I was a bad friend. I’ve always had a problem with being selfish. A very horrible quality of mine.

I finally get him back to the room. We talk about what was going on. He was upset that I was cheating on DAS. I thought he was more upset about me hooking up with a girl he liked. It was a bad spot I was putting him in. I had assumed that we had the bro code understanding. But he was really good friends with DAS. So I realized I needed to resolve the situation as best I can right now. I told him that I would not hang out with Throwback anymore. This eased him and we went on with our weekend.

The tournament was uneventful. No great martial arts story to talk about. Not much I can remember about. All I remember was that it was strange to stay away from Throwback. We looked at each a lot from across the room. Wanting to hang out but we both knew that we couldn’t. The only time I was able to be near her was when everyone was in a large group. But I didn’t speak to her.

I would talk with Gifted for small pockets of time. Never alone though. Which was a good thing. She always gave me this crazy look. That look you give when your up to no good and only you and someone else knows. Thankfully that’s all it was. I don’t think I could handle it, if she decided to join the game too.

The weekend was finally over and I was on my way home. Throwback wouldn’t be back at my house until Tuesday. I had some time to settle back into the normal life again.

On Monday I was back at work. It was definitely one of those Mondays. Only multiply it by ten. DAS and Junior weren’t talking to me and were both giving me the dirtiest looks. I think he told DAS about what’s been going on. I’m in alot trouble.

I was giving DAS a ride home after work. So I was gonna get an earful from her. He went ballistic on me in the car. Yelling at me and asking why I did it. I couldn’t give her any real excuse. I gave some bone head excuse about wanting to know if I really wanting be with her, so I cheated on her. WOW the things guys say when they are on the spot. I only angered her even more. It felt like forever to get to her place. I finally dropped her off and she slammed my door and stormed off.

What a day. Thankfully it was over finally.

The next day was more of the same. Only I didn’t try to talk to either of them. Did my thing at work and then went home. DAS and I had our final chat over text. She was a bit calmer. That was because she was done with it. The last things she said to me were. If she knew it was gonna end so soon, she wouldn’t have waited to have sex. I was confused. I asked her if she still wanted to try to work it out. She replies.

“Let it burn”

The next day Throwback was coming back home. Nothing was holding me back from hanging out with her anymore. I decided to make the most of it.

We spent the day together and it was good to forget about all the problems that I was having. We slept together and I was one pump chump. Now I felt worse then ever. From high to low in a matter of minutes.

After the uncomfortable moment of silence. I told her that Lets just keep this what it is. I will probably never see her again and we would just be wasting each other’s time if we try to pretend this could become something.

She agreed and the next day I dropped her off at the airport and the madness was finally over. For the mean time at least.

The madness begins pt. 2 post #16

The madness begins pt. 2

February 2004

I have a girlfriend again. It’s been a long long time. I’ve forgotten what it was like to feel wanted by a female. It’s so amazing. Also she was only a couple years younger then me. I felt it was a lot easier to get along with her since she wasn’t so much younger then me. I had stopped calling or picking up calls from Trouble. A total dick move on my part. I couldn’t even give her the courtesy of a letting her know its over. I left her hanging.

DAS and I made plans for her to stay the night at my place. Which was still my parent’s house. We had to arrange it because she had a dog that needed to be watched over night.

After work we got ready for our date. We had dinner together and we went back to my place. I was excited. Well of course I was, I’m a guy after all. So we got into bed together and watched a movie for a bit. Then… She fell asleep. I was confused. I’m guessing she was tired from the long day.

The morning came and it was nice to sleep next to woman again. We messed around for a bit. I think it was more of the fact that we should do it because of all the trouble we went through to make last night happen. Rather then really wanting to do it. But ill never really know.

A week later we try again. Once again she fell asleep again. In the morning the same thing happened. Only this time it felt a like we wanted to instead of doing it just to be doing it.

One problem that happened with each time we messed around was I had forgotten how to pleasure a woman. I was completely lost. I had no idea what I was doing. She was practically guiding me through the whole thing. Poor girl. That was must have been horrible.

Things started to go downhill from there. We went out dancing again. To a club she used to work at. When we got there she greeted all the bouncers and girls that worked there. It’s a bit intimidating to be with a girl that knew or dated guys like that. Made me think why is she with me. My insecurities are starting to get to me a bit. She didn’t introduce me as her boyfriend or a guy that she was a bit serious about. She wouldn’t dance with me and was trying to act cool.

I was trying to brush off what just happened. But I should have confronted her and told her how I felt. I was still a coward. I’m not one for confrontation.

The next day I went to work out with some boys. Two British Trickers came to hang out with the crew a couple of weeks. A guy and a girl. It was a fun session like always. Everyone acting like goofballs. After the session we went back to a friends house that the brits were staying at.

The thing of night was a bow and an arrow with a suction cup. It began with just shooting it, then hitting things, and then hitting people, and then it came down to a game of mercy using the bow and arrow. That night a couple of guys left with some nasty red marks. All in all, an entertaining night.

The next day the brits were kick out of the house because of the rowdy party last night. So I took them in.

After work that night DAS, the brit girl (Throwback), My boss’s son (Junior) and myself had dinner. It was a chilled dinner. Junior was starting to like Throwback. I don’t blame him. English accents are sexy as hell. Add on top of that she was very cute and a pretty good tricker. Probably the best girl tricker in the world at the time.

I spent a lot of time with Junior and Throwback. Junior was like the little bro I didn’t have. Good kid. Over the next couple of days I told Throwback about the story about Atlanta and Turtle. She knew who turtle was and enjoyed hearing about all my drama. I told her that I had been talking to another girl from England that she knew of. It was just harmless internet flirting.

I went out with DAS again later the week. We went dancing again. Same Club. Again the same thing happened. I was really tired of this game. Again I didn’t tell her how she made me felt. I dropped her off at her place and acted like nothing was wrong.

I came home and saw Throwback. She was so cute, sweet and nice to me. I decided to say fuck it and get at this girl. This girl was a lot younger then me. I seem to be attracted to the youngins lately.

So I went for it. We chilled together with everyone in my room. I slipped my hand under a pillow and grabbed her hand. She accepted my advance. As people began to fall asleep. Throwback and I made out on my bed for awhile. I wasn’t thinking about my consequences. I had forgotten that Junior was into Throwback. This was gonna come back and haunt me.

The Madness Begins pt 1 post #15

The Madness Begins

January 2004

I’ve spent 6 months speaking with trouble. We have been on the phone with each other every night. I’m starting to fall in love with her. But I cant do anything about how I feel because she is still underage. So for the moment I’m just enjoying the company of a girl that I haven’t seen since we first met.

I started teaching at a new karate school. Everyone is really nice to work with. I’ve finally started to try to make new friends and escape the cave I have been living in for the past 6 months.

Here is where the drama starts to brew again. There is a girl that works the front desk that I used to see working at some of the clubs I used to visit regularly. She was a hottie. So much so that I wouldn’t even say anything to her back then. But we work together now and I have an excuse to talk to her. I think she is much hotter now then she was when I was clubbing back then.

The weeks pass and we are becoming better friends. I like her sense of humor and the tough chick attitude. I think we are flirting but I’m not really sure. I’ve some how created a situation with two girls. One in the day that I hang out with physically and one at night that is all talking. Oh yes let the drama begin.

One day at work everyone is in the office together at the end of the night. We decided to go out to a club that night. Everyone agreed and I was happy that we were all going to out together tonight.

Before we all leave the office to head out and get ready. I tell Down Ass Chick, DAS for short (Front desk girl) that I’m happy that she is so cool and that I consider her one of the guys. The smile that was on her face turned into an angry face within seconds. She stormed out of the office as she said something to me that I can’t really remember. But I know it was something to let me know what I said wasn’t cool with her.

I ride home totally confused. Trying to figure out what just happened back there. I thought I was paying her a compliment. I spend the next couple of hours trying to figure out what I did that could have turned her off so fast.

Then all of sudden it comes to me. I’ve seen this in a movie before. Where a guy tells his best friend who is a girl that she is so happy that they are just friends and she is like one of the guys. The girl gets angry and the guy is totally clueless. I remember watching the scene and telling myself what a loser he was for not seeing it.

Here I am repeating the same thing. So I call DAS and tell her I’m sorry for upsetting her and hopes she comes out tonight. She says its all good and she will definitely be going out tonight. I was relieved that she is still coming out. I would love to dance with her. She is HAWT!

We spent the whole night dancing together. Wow what a great night. She was a great dancer and she was easy on the eyes. I asked her out to the movies that night and she agreed. Wow a date! I don’t even remember the last time I had a date. It was like I was in high school and I asked out the hottest girl in school and she agreed. I was on such a high.

The next week we went on a date to the movies. It was your basic date. Pick up the girl from her place, hello hug, open the car door for her, talk on the way to the movie theater, buy the tickets, and sit together. Now this is where the fun begins.

This is where the unspoken communication begins. Which when you break it down is pretty hilarious.

The movie begins and no one claims the armrest. I claim the armrest first and lean towards her without making any contact with her arm. Moments later her arm is touching mine. Then fore arms make contact. Handholding begins. Playful handholding ensues. My hands begin to massage her thighs; she holds onto my arm and rests her head on my shoulder.

But my nervousness gets the best of me. I can’t kiss her. I’m overwhelmed by the moment. It’s like a dream and I don’t want to ruin the moment. I tell her I’m really nervous to kiss her. She tells me that we shouldn’t kiss then. I loved the idea and continued to just have her on my arm. What a sweetheart.

The date ended with me walking her to her door and we hugged each other and I kissed her on the cheek.

When I got home I wanted to talk to her so bad. But I didn’t want to smother her. Then she calls me. Wow this girl is the shit. We spend the night just talking about random stuff. That was the best date ever.

The next day I had to make a decision of what I was going to do with Trouble. I felt bad to break up with her. Not even sure if it was even a relationship. But I felt I would have to tell her.

Of course the coward that I was, I didn’t say anything to her. I just kept playing the game. I knew I had to tell DAS about what I had gotten myself into. I knew that I would be better with DAS since we lived close to each other.

I told DAS everything. She got so mad. Going off on me about how guys always go after young girls and how its total bullshit. I wasn’t even going to put my two cents in. I just hoped that she would still see me after I told her that I was talking to another girl before her but its was just a phone thing and that I wanted to be with her.

We went out again and everything was so great. I think I found a girl that I could really be happy with again. We went back to my place later that night. Made out for the rest of the night. We talked a lot and decided to wait for a while before having sex. I was totally down for that. It’s been 2 years since I’ve had sex with a female. I wasn’t ready for that yet.

This is a long and drama filled story. In the next part another girl comes in and throws a wrench into my plans for a normal relationship.

Here we go again post #14

Here we go again

July 2003

I’m Florida again. I’m really starting to hate this place. I tell myself to never come here again and every year I find myself back here. This tournament has been nothing but drama for me since I’ve been going.

My new form has been looking better after every tournament I’ve been too. Turtle has started to realize that beating me won’t be easy anymore. The last tournament, I started to notice that his form was starting to look a bit similar to mine. Which bothered me a bit. He beat me last month. But I’m closing the gap between us. People were starting to believe my musical form is better then his. The problem now is having the judges see it that way.

I started to realize that the friends Atlanta and I shared have all started to hang with her and turtle and I was left out. Which is understandable. I don’t really have much in common with them. I’ve always been a lone wolf anyways.

My form is feeling a lot better. No more free styling and after every tournament I’m able to tweak it to be sharper. I should be able to beat turtle hands down.

I’m sitting and stretching waiting for the tournament to begin. Watching Atlanta and the gang hanging out and having a good time. Which is annoying for some reason. Then out of the blue a girl approaches me.

She says hi and acts as though she knows me. She is beautiful. She has fake dark red hair. Which I think is very sexy. Her eyes are piercing green. Her body is amazing. Up to this point I still haven’t spoken to a girl since Atlanta left me. This conversation will be quite interesting.

“Do you remember me?” she asks.

I try hard to remember this girl. How do I not remember meeting a hottie like this? I begin to point my finger at her trying so hard to remember who she is. I’m hoping by the time my finger is pointing at her I would remember her.

“ummm… nope.” I reply

Shameful. That was a smooth move. I’m starting verbal vomit right now. You know when you thinking about something in your head and instead of it just being a thought it find’s a way out of your mouth.

“I sat with you last year here at the finals” She said

She did? I didn’t make a move on her? I’m terribly confused right now. There is no way in hell I could have let a girl like this get past me. I try real hard to remember her. Digging deep into my mind. I go for the finger point thing again. As my finger begins to rise to her again.

“Oh yeah…(long pause)… I don’t remember”

Lame. This is getting really bad. I still have no idea who this girl is, but I really want to get to know her. She is crazy sexy. I’m hypnotized just looking at her. Then a glimmer of hope comes.

“Wait a minute… I do remember you. We sat at the finals last year with a couple of friends. But I don’t remember your name” I said

But still how did I not go after this girl. Something is not right here. There is a disturbance in the force.

“My name is Trouble.”

I remember her now. She was after a friend of mine last year and that’s why I didn’t go after her. There was something else about her that I just couldn’t remember. Then it all comes back to me. Instead of the slow point. I instantly point at her going into a sudden stance. The stance is like a defensive stance when you know you been doing something wrong and you just realize it.

“I totally remember you know. You were friends with Gossip. You were 16 last year right?” I said

“yeah” she replied

“and now… your 17?” I asked

“ yup” she said

“ wow, well you look great. It was nice talking to you. I got to go now”

I ran in fear of losing my life.

Wow did I feel like a pedophile. I was undressing her with my eyes through out that whole conversation. I feel grossed out. But I couldn’t deny that she was a hottie. That was too bad.

My division had finally started. I’m stoked. I can’t wait to beat turtle. I’m not seeded so I have to draw cards to see when I will go. Seeded competitors go at the end of the division after the rest of the competitors. It’s a way to reward people who are spending a lot of money every month to go to each of the circuit tournaments.

I finished my form. The reception of it has been getting better and I feel I performed a solid form. What would happen next blew me away.

Turtle was beginning his form. The very first move of his form looked a lot like my move. Starting from the judges he through a trick that landed him to the back of the ring. It was very similar to what I’ve been doing.

As I watched his form. His form looked a lot like mine. When he finished. He had stolen the whole format of my form. I couldn’t believe it. He just did my form.

I have never witnessed plagiarism at this level of competition. Then his scores were given. He beat me. Wow he had just beaten me with my own form. First he steals my girlfriend then he steals my form. I was in total shock. But I was powerless. What was I going to do? Confront him and call him a biter. He beat me fair and square. There is no rule that said he couldn’t do that. How was I going to ever beat him again? I have never felt so defeated before.

On top of all of this. I had no one to talk to about what just happened. All the people I knew were better friends with turtle. I hate this tournament with a passion.

I sulked for a while trying to think of what I was going to do with myself now. It was the only division I had and I was done for the entire weekend. All I had now was free time. So I decided to keep my mind occupied with my favorite distraction. Not video games but the company of a female.

Yeah she was 17 but I didn’t want to hook up with her. I just wanted someone to hang out with. Its not like she wanted to hook up with me. She was just being nice. As long as I don’t make any moves this will be harmless.

I walked up to Trouble and started up conversation with her. She was easy to talk to. Pretty young thing. She will definitely makes this weekend go by faster. It was actually nice to just talk with a girl without wanting to hook up for once. I don’t think I was ready to dive right in like that. It has been almost 2 years since I’ve even spoken to a girl.

I spent almost every moment of the weekend with her. She was easy to talk to and easy on the eyes. I couldn’t have wanted a better distraction.

“I need to check in with my dad” she told me

I thought to myself. Aww isn’t that cute, she had to check in with her dad. I haven’t met him yet. She told me that he was a karate school manager and one of my teammates came from his school. I walked with her to check in with her dad.

The dad was really friendly. We talked about karate for a bit. He asked if Trouble and I had eaten yet. We said no. He offered me to have dinner with them. I really didn’t want to have dinner with them. But I felt obligated to join them because he offered.

I really hope that he wasn’t thinking that I was trying to hook up with his daughter. That would be all bad. This dinner could go really bad.

We sat down in the restaurant. I was fearful of a silent dinner and struggling to spark conversation. The funny thing is that it was the complete opposite. I spoke with the father the whole time. I rarely spoke with problem. Dinner went great. Of course conversation with her father would be easy. She learned it from him.

As we left dinner. She garbs my arm and tells me that he likes me.

What is that supposed to mean? She said it in way that puzzled me. Reminded me of a time when I was a teenager and would meet parents of girls I hung out with. I think I’m in trouble.

We spent the rest of the night together. Just talking. I couldn’t believe we had to so much to talk about.

We sat together watching the finals. Then it all went down hill from there. She sat close to me. She rubbed her arm on mine. I think she is coming on to me. This isn’t right. I need to distance us. But why do I? did I have intention of sleeping with her. I would never let that happen. So why not just go with the flow. So I said fuck it. She was a nice girl that had kept me company all weekend. Why not just have fun.

So I put my hand on her thigh. She held onto my arm. It was warm and comfortable. We spent the entire show being cuddly. I turned and looked at her. She looked happy. For the first time in a long time the feeling of being wanted by a girl came back. I’ve missed it so much.

She looked up at me. I loved looking at her. Her eyes were so beautiful. Then she pulled me towards her. Then we kissed. After we kissed I looked at her and smiled. She squeezed my arm and smiled back. It was such an innocent moment. I turned and watched the show again. I could have stared at her the whole night. But I know what would happen if I kept staring at her.

Lets just keep this innocent and sweet. The finals ended and we spent the rest of night walking talking and making out here and there. I felt like I was a teenager again.

It was getting late and she had to go back and meet her dad. It was a great night and I wanted to keep it that way. I didn’t want this to go any farther. Lets just keep this a great memory. I’m not going ask her for her phone number.

As we headed towards where her farther was. She asked me for my phone number. Nooooooo. I didn’t want to give it to her. It’s happening again. We exchanged numbers. I thought if I didn’t call her, she wont call me. So it will be ok.

I swear I’m such an idiot when it comes to predicting what girls will do.