More to life than… post #13

More to life than…

April 2002

I spent the next year and a half alone, far away from women. I didn’t even interact with another woman. I spent all my time playing video games, hanging out with my guy friends, teaching martial arts and training. It kept me busy and distracted me from my broken heart.

I had completely isolated myself from women. I was still competing here and there. Still losing to Turtle at every tournament. He was whopping my ass hands down. Hurt even more that I would see Atlanta with him every so often. I had no passion in my life. Just letting the days go by.

I didn’t miss having female contact at all. I filled the void with constantly keeping myself busy. My addiction to video games took over all of my free time. I would fall asleep at the computer every night. Lucky for me, I didn’t like drinking; I would have been a horrible alcoholic.

One day after over a year playing video games non stop. I was playing counter strike and I got an idea to use video game sound effects in my musical forms. I was chasing some guy in counterstrike holding two guns and shooting him until I ran out of ammo. I imagined doing a form and punching like how I held the guns.

I stopped playing games so addictively and began to spend more time creating a form. It was a lot of fun to find the right music for my form and layering the sound effects from my favorite game to it. It was definitely a great challenge.

At the time people that had added sound effects, the forms always ended up sounding cheesy. I was determined to change that. Funny thing is that I choose songs that you would even think would fit.

Can’t fight the moonlight (remix) by Lee Ann Rimes. I can by NAS. The great thing about the music I used in my new form was that I really like to song to begin with. They were not songs I used just because it would have made good forms music. They were songs I could jam too. Yes I enjoyed the Lee Ann Rimes song. I blame Atlanta for making me watch Coyote Ugly so many times.

After a couple of month of research and development. I decided to finally compete again with my new form. The tournament was in Burlingame, 15 minutes south of San Francisco. The Golden Gate Nationals. Turtle and Atlanta would definitely be there. Turtle would travel to small national tournaments to steal the prize money because no one was even close to his level. He had been beating me non-stop for over 2 years. So for him it was a walk in the park.

Turtle would compete in every forms division that they offered for extreme forms. He wanted to win every division so he would only have to compete with the weapons winner in the finals. He cleaned up the non-musical division. He felt tired after that division and thought about not competing in musical forms because he knew he could beat me in the finals.

Atlanta didn’t feel the same way. She wanted him to compete in my division to knock me out so it would be a breeze that night. I watched as they debated back and forth about what he should do. Eventually he gave in and decided to compete in my division.

I knew I couldn’t beat him yet but I competed to see how the form felt and fix whatever dead spots were in it. I went before turtle in the division. I was excited and nervous to perform again. Because I went into it thinking I wasn’t going to win and I just wanted to perform, I felt excited and it overwhelmed me.

As I performed the form I could feel the audience embracing my performance. Ever since Atlanta left me I felt lost and alone. But for the first time in over 2 years, I felt alive again. This is was where I belonged. This is what I do. I’m a performer.

Turtle followed my performance but the energy that the audience gave him felt flat. I think I might have a chance of actually beating him. I couldn’t believe it. The scores were so close. I couldn’t determine who had won. When the scores were added, the center judge returned the other judges and spoke to them for a moment.

There was a tie between Turtle and I. I couldn’t believe it. This was the closest I have ever come to beating him. Turtle had to go before me in the tiebreaker. I definitely had the advantage now. I could win this.

Turtle ended up slipping in his form and all I would have to do is just do a safe form and I would win. But of course I didn’t do that. To me it would have been a bitch move to play it safe, just to win. If I couldn’t beat him with my best form with my hardest tricks then I wouldn’t be able to beat him in the finals. I had to win this division without holding back.

In the opening trick of my form, I tried the hardest trick I could do and rough landing. I made up for the bobble with a strong and sharp form. Now it would be in the judge’s hands. It would be a toss up.

The judges lined us up and called all the other places and left Turtle and I standing in the back. I was happy with what had happened today. I felt that I was making progress. It was the first time I had performed this form. It was more then I could have hope for.

“And in second place……Turtle” the center judge announced.

I won! Unbelievable. I held all my emotions inside as I walked up to receive my trophy voucher. When I shook the judges hands. One of the judges told me he was impressed that I didn’t hold back in the tiebreaker even though I could have won easily, I felt so accomplished. Also I had also planted doubt in Turtle’s mind.

The finals had arrived. I had not performed in a night show in so long, I forgot how exciting it was. I definitely appreciated being on stage again. I was lucky and drew to be the last competitor for the night.

The weapons competitor, Turtle and myself would be competing in the finals. But the night was just about Turtle Vs. Me. I spoke to the DJ earlier and told him to go ahead and scratch with my track before starting it. When I heard DJ playing with my music, I felt so hyped. The adrenaline was amazing. It was flowing through out my body and I was having such a high and I haven’t even walked in yet.

The audience gave me love through out my form. I knew I could beat turtle now. Knowing you have a chance of beating someone pushes you to limits you never knew you could reach. After I finished my form I felt a pain in my right heel. I looked down and I was bleeding like crazy. On the triple flash I had landed in a crack of the stage and split my heel open. It was nasty. If I tied with Turtle he would win by default.

They brought us all on stage. The announcer took his sweet time to get the results. I just wanted to know who won.

“ Tonight’s Adult contemporary forms grand champion is……Kim Do.”

I had finally beaten him. The crowd erupted. I looked out into the audience. Saw all my friends out there cheering, standing, jumping and yelling for me. It was an amazing experience. It was the first adult grand championship win of my life.

I walked over to my friends as they all bum rushed me and congratulated me. Until that moment I had not realized all the friends I had made after Atlanta left me. I had felt alone for so long. There I was surround by all these people that have been with me the whole time.

I looked over at Turtle and Atlanta. I realized that I had traded Atlanta for the most amazing friends in the world. They were more then just my friends. They were my family. For all the pain that I had felt when Atlanta left me. It was all worth it, to be where I was in my life in that moment.